Valentine’s Day [read: Single Freaking Awareness Day] is coming up in T-minus two days, but you didn’t need me to remind you because the rest of society won’t let you forget it. As I’m writing this, I can’t help but catch a glimpse of the flower-laden Facebook ads advertising multi-colored roses, and I would have to have more willpower than I do in order to forget the image of some extremely hot guy going into the flower shop today, presumably to pre-order flowers for his sweetheart. Even as a thriving single woman, that’s that shit I don’t like.

I’m kind of on the bitterness bus, but I’m working on recovery. Here’s how I plan to conquer my V-day-induced deep and desperate cravings for love, attention, and heart-shaped chocolate:

Step 1: Make (back-up) plans with the friends.

Now, I qualified these plans as “back-up” plans because I’m not yet ready to roll over and accept my dateless Valentine’s Day (for the first time in 3 years, mind you). However, should it come to it, it’s not the end of the world to spend a night having fun with my friends. Now, I would like to invoke one of my favorite pieces of love advice that always lends some much-needed perspective: “Boys will cum and go, but friends are forever.” So true. So relevant. It’s extremely important to appreciate the people in your life on whom you can truly depend. I made dinner reservations at la Méditerraneé for a whole group of my fellow single friends and bought them all $1 boxes of chocolate from Walmart that say “You’ve got game!” I feel like it’s a nice tribute to elementary school when people would decorate shoeboxes and everyone got everyone else a little Spongebob valentine and slapped a lollipop on there. Those were much simpler times. No matter what, I shall not sit alone on a Friday night feeling sorry for myself. I’m much too hot and intelligent for that, and so are you.

Step 2: Get Proactive (not the acne medication).

Here’s where my love and dating philosophy differs from many others. Call me crazy, but I don’t just love gender roles and this prevailing idea that as a heterosexual woman I’m supposed to sit around and wait for a suitor. I much prefer taking an active stake in my own love life because I love a challenge. Single people, we still have a few days to find a date! That’s about 6 months in dating years, and anything could happen. Start sitting next to cute people in your new classes, chatting up people in coffee shops, and texting the ones who got away. I, for one, am on a mission and nobody’s safe from my shameless flirting. Just remember that getting rejected never changes your intrinsic value as a human being. You can survive no matter what the outcome. I plan to embody this as I execute some big plans to put the moves on my long-term crush. Jesus take the wheel.

Step 3: Morph into a Valentine’s Day Rambo, if necessary.

I realize this one requires some explaining. To be honest, I’ve never actually seen Rambo, but my understanding is that Sylvester Sylone is a war veteran and people are mean to him, so he gets mad and shoots everyone to teach them a lesson…or something to that effect. My plan in this case is to morph into the most fabulous version of myself (I’m gonna paint my nails, actually shave my legs, do my hair and makeup, eat some delicious food, put on my favorite clothes, and listen to “Pretty Girl Rock” by Keri Hilson). Then, I’ll be looking and feeling so damn good that the people who did not want to be my Valentine (because they’re idiots and/or narcs or something) will have to eat their hearts right out. My head will be held high whether or not there is someone in my life to buy me flowers, chocolates, and dinner and give me some sweet lovin’ on February 14th. In fact, the more I think about it, the more open I am to just buying myself chocolate and eating them while getting lost in a picture of David Beckham. Remember that at the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is actually irrelevant, and there’s always next year. All that matters is that you know you’re fabulous and that you’re loved. Don’t forget it.

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