Do not misunderstand me. I love the holidays. I love (almost) everything about them: shiny lights everywhere, cutesy songs played in stores, Claymation Christmas movies, midnight mass (or, for my Jewish readers out there, eight nights of pretty candles and latkes). But let’s face it folks, the holidays can get  real weird, real quick.

Reason ONE: Gifting is hard

Giving gifts can be difficult, and can (i.e. often does) result in awkward silences that lead to the begrudging: “Ya…this is great…thanks…I really needed another pair of: [insert bland clothing item here, i.e.: socks, pajama bottoms, snuggies, etc]…”

To make things worse, there are always those people who innately know exactly what to give as gifts: the gift whisperers. There’s always at least one just hanging around, giving great gifts to people they don’t even know that well, bringing tears to old folks eyes, smiling at children, etc. They make the world a cold, hard place for people who give socks and ties as gifts (who doesn’t like a good pair of socks? Everyone).

Reason TWO: Your family is weird

Sorry, but it’s true. Maybe not as weird as the Skywalkers, but everyone’s family is uniquely strange.

For instance, my family is insane. We’ll begin with my younger cousin who rearranged our lovely Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer dollhouse decoration into a Santa serial Killer nightmare.

Then there’s my mom who received a bottle of Patron from her father-in-law (clearly a gift whisperer), my newly single grandfathers asking each other about their dating lives, and my other cousin whose initials are KEG (accidental TFM-http://www.totalfratmove.com). Mealtime conversations have thus far have ranged from the meaning of Kwanzaa (in that my stepfather did not know Kwanzaa existed), to Reagan and his godliness (one person left the table crying. It was me).

Reason THREE: Holiday parties

I love the holidays. I also love parties. So why would holiday parties be on this list? Holiday parties are the perfect storm of awkwardness: People you haven’t seen in a while + white elephant exchanges + strange alcoholic concoctions, (eggnog? What the fuck?) + MISTELTOE = a unexpected hodgepodge of awkward events.

Feelings get hurt, hook-ups get weird and someone ends up crying in the bathroom. But I love Holiday parties, there’s no better excuse for me to dress like an asshole in bad Christmas sweaters.

I have a point to all this, I promise. Here it is: holidays are awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. You are not alone. This is one of those rare, wonderful chances to revel in awkwardness. My advice is to make things as awkward as possible for others. For example I’m writing this column during Christmas breakfast, and my whole family will inevitably gather around to read it soon. I can’t wait!

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