Hey I know you.

You’re that person that pops other people’s bubble gum with a well placed (and hardly hygienic) finger.
You smile when small children drop their ice cream cones on the ground.
And… you’re immune to puppies.
Your latest bone to pick?

Valentine’s Day.
Ergh.
Blegh.

With all the hearts and the kisses and the flowers and the baby talk and all that gunkola…. the entire affair makes you sick to your stomach.
So what do you do?

You moan. You groan.
“Bahhh… Valentine’s Day…. Humbug.”
And then you wallow in your own bitterness, constipation, and annoyances.

Well, I am the Ghost of Valentine’s Day Present. Yup, as in THE Ghost of Valentine’s Day Present. And I am here to help you get a new perspective on the whole schtick before you turn into one of those old people that yells at the neighborhood kids to keep off their lawn. And who will inevitably die alone choking on a herringbone in the comfort of their own empty (and dirty) kitchen – but I digress.

Valentine’s Day, as you know, good sir/madame, is the day that people go out of their way to bewitch the heart, mind, and soul of their significant others. They give blooming red roses, decadent chocolates, and perhaps some sort of glittering (and overly priced) jewelry. They take them out on a lovely candlelit dinner, clink champagne glasses, and feed each other ripe red strawberries before whisking each other way to the moonlight.

You don’t like it? You think it is corny and a complete waste of time?

I have some advice to give you –
No one cares about what you think.
You know the other 364 days out of the year when you try to give your opinions on the convincing points of Aquatic Ape Theory and no one cares? Yeah. Same logic applies.

This just in – being cranky and bitter about Valentine’s Day is super passe. Complaining about Valentine’s Day is like complaining about Day Light Savings Time… it is going to happen either way so shut your yap about it.

I am not saying that you should go get a significant other so you can be part of the club and drink the Kool-Aid. What I am saying is that instead of bitching and whining about the patheticness of the entire thing (which, may I remind you, just makes you look bitter and pathetic), own Valentine’s Day. Make the day your own. Go run around in tutus with your best friends while blowing bubbles and eating lollipops (oh wait… that’s me making Valentine’s Day my own… whoops).

Nevertheless, make cupcakes for your friends. Have a scary movie marathon with your roommates. Try eating at a new restaurant. Just… make some plans and use Valentine’s Day as an excuse. The fact of the matter is, Valentine’s Day just like any other day of the year is just another day of the year. So go do something fun. Who cares what other people are doing? Go do something yourself. And stop bitching. Because there is no real reason to. Unless you want to die alone. Choking on a herringbone.

Moral of Story: You can hate Valentine’s Day. Just stop talking about it all the time and go do something with your life. I suggest See’s Scotchmallows. They are delicious.

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