How sad it is to think about those poor, poor people of the past. How did they survive? How did they enjoy life at all? How very deprived those people of history were.

I mean, they didn’t have Instagram. Go ahead, I’ll wait for you to take a seat in reaction to this utterly flabbergasting factoid…

Forget about the lack of electricity, tap water, internet, cars, cellphones, and any other modern technological comforts. Who cares about that stuff? The real essential lacking was that they weren’t able to post pictures of their tasty looking dinner or the fantastically colorful sunset for all their homies to see! Such an absolutely ridiculous thought that makes me not even know what to do with my arms or legs or hands or elbows—oh gosh, what are these for?

Having Instagram throughout history would have been beneficial for everyone—now and at the time. Not only would it have provided a prime means of recording important events snapshot-by-snapshot for future generations to understand what happened, but it would let everyone else in the world at the time know what’s going down with their good ole friend Benny Frank (or at least that’s what his bros called him at the time) or E-Money (Hemingway) or D-O-double-C (Columbus). These people would have loved sharing their lives with their followers and I think it would have made history a lot more light-hearted and fun.

Christopher Columbus

(A picture of himself looking elegantly and strongly off into the distance as he confidently steers his ship with one hand across the Atlantic with his coat flapping in the wind. Filter: Toaster.)

DoubleC92: “Ridin’ dirty on the Pinta. Gonna get spicy over in India. @KingFerdinand Imma make you proud, big guy. Will the real Squanto please stand up? #imaboss #sailingdaoceanblue #wouldyoulikesomepaprikawiththat?”

Benjamin Franklin

(A picture of Thomas Jefferson looking at the camera as he theatrically holds a quill up in the air with his mouth open in excitement. Filter: Sutro)

who’syourdaddy76: “lol throwback to when my main beezy TJ signed the Declaration. As if Britain thought they had a chance. lol ok w/e bye. #revolutionshiz (flexing bicep emoji)”

Neil Armstrong

(A selfie of him with his spacesuit on with the Earth in the background. Filter: 1977.)

LilNeil: “I bet your newsfeed is filled with pictures of the sunset but this is the only one of an Earth-set! LOL! I’m on a spaceship, mothatrucka. #myviewsbetterthanyours #fresh2death #buzzbuzz”

King Arthur

(A picture of a disgusting, steaming, chunky stew with his hand dipped in it. Filter: Rise.)

Arthur555: “What does a man have to do over here for a quality meal? I swear, I’ve eaten freaking stew with my bare hands every day for 12 years. I’m the boss dawg around here, get me some cake for God’s sake. @ILanceALot I’m looking at you. #ew #medieval #itlookslikepoop”

Walt Disney

(A picture of a sketch of an early version of Mickey Mouse in his notebook; a pencil dramatically placed diagonally across the page for artsy cred. Filter: Inkwell.)

xxWaltxx64: “Phew, what a rough night last night. Found this when I woke up. Haha what even is that?! Advil me.”

Abraham Lincoln

(A close-up shot of his bushy, hairy chin with a sassy smirk. Filter: Nashville.)

Let’sBeHonest808: “Participating in No Shave November this year! Actually, I think I won’t shave for as long as the Union keeps having victories. Good luck beard! Holla at ya momma! #wholelottaman #norogaineneeded”

Napoleon Bonaparte

(Picture of him gallantly riding a horse and pointing his finger towards the sky. Filter: Amaro.)

Shawty5: “It’s a conquest kind of day. My maid’s failure to make sure my milk was at the optimal temperature today made me have quite a short temper. Watch out, Europe. Yo boy Nappy’s gon’ cray. Oh, yes, yes, go ahead, laugh it up ‘cause I said ‘SHORT temper.’ L-O-freaking-L.”

Salvador Dali

(A blurry, indecipherable picture of a few random blots of color. No filter.)

DALI: “I see… A rhinoceros! As a sun melts down to a snowman in the coldest winter in the middle of June with dandelions dancing in the wilderness, this image captures the very heart of my being. Lions roar, crickets meow, and paintbrushes are caterpillars waiting to crawl. Time to go gel the ‘stache. DALI! #rhinoceros #nectarines #dancedancedance”

Cave man

(A picture of a stick.)

Burt9090: “ljad khgkjh kjhg elhu jdhgieut.”

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