FollowThe high school senior is a fragile being. They can explode with emotion at any moment, from even the smallest provocation. No one is safe from their outbursts.
Why is a high school senior so delicate?
They are fraught with worry over many aspects of their last days as high school students, including performing well on finals and AP tests, applying to as many colleges as possible as early as possible, and impressing their beloved teachers one final time.
It is essential to keep in mind these tips when you come across one of these creatures, and remember that you would have appreciated such attention when you were in their position way back when.
1. Be sure to ask several questions about their future. This may seem invasive and annoying at first, but the high school senior genuinely appreciates interest in their life from anyone, even the mother of that girl who sits behind them in class but can’t quite remember her last name. Some sample questions are: where are you going to college? Why don’t you know where you’re going to college yet? Why did you not apply to (insert name of school here)? What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Where do you see yourself in five years? Why are you banging your head against that wall? Is head-banging a popular skill to list on one’s resume nowadays?
2. If you are at a party or other festive event with high school seniors in attendance, gather other adults and discuss with the students where each of them is going to college, what AP classes they are taking, what their SAT scores are, how much tutoring each one attended for the SATs, and more. For parents especially, while discussing with your child, make sure to stand close to them and speak so loudly that your son or daughter gives you a loving glare, rolls their eyes playfully, and sighs at the thought that they have such wonderful parents.
3. Always tell long, amusing anecdotes about your senior year, while pointing out that kids could get away with anything back then, but today with the drinking age at 21 they can’t do anything! (Be really emphatic here. You are trying to connect with the young and hip.) Then, very casually, ask about their after-prom plans. You do not want them to suspect that you are going to judge them for their wild, crazy plans of consuming multiple pounds of candy and falling asleep to “Finding Nemo.”
4. Offer helpful tips regarding college essay topics, what classes to take, the most profitable college majors, and more. The high school senior has definitely not heard any of this before, and they will be so thankful for your guidance that they may be so blown away as to only be able to respond in one-word answers.
5. Do not so much as glance at those who plan on going to a community college, a vocational school, no college at all (gap year, schmap year), or a college that you do not approve of based on certain completely valid biases. Their ridiculous claims that a proper four year institution is “unaffordable” or not what they “want” are outrageous. These kids and their parents are not worth your precious time. Now that I think about it, you should extend this same behavior to those students who are not taking the right amount of AP classes, but instead fill their schedules with crap like drama, music, art, and other useless subjects.
6. “Senioritis” is not slang for the flu or a rare strand of ebola. Don’t worry about it.
Good luck in your endeavors into the complex world of the high school senior. While nagging a younger student in this way is highly inappropriate, high school seniors welcome all your wisdom and kindness with graceful snorts and monosyllables, even the occasional fake laugh. At times it may seem that they are not listening to you, but really those gadgets on their heads that cover their ears are helping them digest every word you say, not drown you out. What is privacy, anyway?
Image source: The Mash
No Comments