Think of this as the lost art of courting.
A time when a guy would bring the girl a flower, carry her books, and ask her out on a proper date. This would lead to long conversations and the whispering of sweet-nothings.
You’ve all heard the story. From your parents, your grandparents, aunts and uncles. Each account has its own nuances, its own context, its own actors, but the gist of the story is the same.
You know.
The one where the guy — in the hands of fate — walks into class late and takes a seat next to a cute, mysterious girl.
They exchange glances.
She’s skeptical.
He’s smitten.
A little courting, and the rest is history.
This concept of the traditional love story has been told time and time again. There’s the enduring prose of Jane Austen, the time honored plays of Shakespeare, and the classic “In Your Eyes” boom-box scene from “Say Anything.” But in our modern age, this sort of love story is old. An outdated social construct, which, in our Gen Y age deeply rooted in online connections, has become a thing of fairy tales and a figment of our imaginations.
It’s sad to see that we have lost the art of courting and dating. Instead, our world is one of the “hookup culture.” Why leave a meeting to chance when you can just “friend” someone on Facebook? Why have a face-to-face conversation when it’s easier to text?
In an outlet of frustration, a friend of mine recently lamented, “We’re losing all the sappy romantics of the world!”
Though dramatic, this exclamation reveals the idea that, due to modern “conveniences,” creating and maintaining relationships has deteriorated into a game of mixed (cell) signals.
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, along with dating/hookup apps like Tinder and Grindr, have rendered face-to-face communication obsolete and useless. Personal exchanges have become uncommon and maybe even slightly awkward. Romeo, fickle in love though he had been, expressed his feelings and boldly pursued his Juliet. Even strong female characters like Mulan and Cher from “Clueless” knew what they wanted and went after it. But today, we consciously edit our words, opinions, and feelings before sending them out into the world — leaving nothing to chance.
And it’s disappointing that creating relationships has become this confusing, nuanced, and cautious. The thing is, the chase goes both ways! Even guys talk about how they wish a girl would initiate conversation, or at least show some interest. Playing hard to get and sending ambiguous text messages only sustains interest until one person gets exhausted and turns away. Being vulnerable, open, and saying how we feel is important on both sides.
Yet, these days, do we really take the time to look up from our phones long enough to get to know each other? We find it easier to text a conversation than just make a phone call. Then we spend all day trying to decode those text messages for hidden meanings between words, because the text on the screen just doesn’t give us the tone, inflection and mood that a human voice can provide. The anticipation of being asked out on a date, and the rush of butterflies it brings, has been lost in a text reading, “let’s hang out.”
Particularly in college, the normalized hook-up culture can be seen as working against the very idea of traditional courtship. It has been internalized and perpetuated to the extent that going on a real “date” is sometimes seen as off-putting and weird.
I get it, the “old” version of love creates idealized expectations of romance, fate and destiny…but does that mean it doesn’t exist or that we have to settle for something less? I don’t think so.
But I do think that if we all try a little harder to create relationships the old-fashioned way, we can have our “Say Anything” moment. So give your texting fingers a rest and try calling that special someone just to hear the sound of their voice. If we can put our phones down for a moment and step away from Snapchat, then maybe one day, we too can have a story worth telling.
Image Sources: Tumblr
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