Deliberate Douchebaggery

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There are many things that people should do deliberately. They should be compassionate. They should tell the truth, eat their vegetables, and most importantly, floss. They should not, however, deliberately act rude, insulting, or smug with no particular intent. Such deliberate, pre-meditated douchebaggery cannot and will not be tolerated.

Many of these people can be observed around Berkeley and in high school. They often proclaim themselves “b****es” or “douchebags,” and then they act on those proclamations. It’s as if they’re under the impression that as long as they alert the general public to their intended douchebaggery, they are then exempt from social criticism and/or disapproval. To all you violators of basic human decency: such an arrangement doesn’t exist.

There are several breeds of such people. Some are the holier-than-thou, pedantic type; they will discount anything and everything you say and correct your grammar, even if you just mixed up “who” and “whom.” Others proclaim that they are in a bad mood or that they are (this is the worst) on their period, and believe that their emotional state excuses them from any subsequent poor conduct. Still, others believe themselves to be absolutely knock-your-socks-off hilarious when they act this way.

I was witness to a classic example of such behavior at a recent party I attended. A girl with a haughty look on her face walked in, gossiping with her friend. She uttered a phrase like, “That girl just really needs to pull down her skirt. That is so skanky, my god!” Her friend turned to her and said, “Oh my god, you’re such a b****!” The “b****” then chuckled and cheerfully exclaimed, “I know right!”

Such situations happen with extreme frequency. Many people (girls and guys alike) are convinced that such behavior is simply hysterical and made totally acceptable by the fact that they are aware of their insolent behavior. The cliché’d example for guys is calling out insults at other males only to be validated and even egged on by their friends.

I recall such an incident from just this weekend. One of three guys across the street from my group of friends started yelling insults at one of us. His two cronies egged him on, snickering and fist-bumping him in a gratuitous display of overt a*****ery.

This all reminds me of a classic “Mean Girls” quote: “At least me and Regina George know we’re mean!” I am going to do the unthinkable and disagree with the great Janis Ian on this one. Just because you know that you’re mean, insensitive, or obnoxious does not mean that you should continue to be this way. It’s one thing to be judge-y and silly over brunch with your girlfriends but another to be, quite frankly, a sanctimonious p***k. The line between the two may be fine, but there certainly is one.

This also translates into relationships. Many believe that they can act this way because members of the opposite sex are attracted to it. I’ve heard many guys ask, “Why do girls always go for the a******?” and then proceed to act like a******s to their next girlfriends. Attention, guys who believe that girls actively go for such people: we don’t. There’s a vast difference between being playful, witty, and teasing and being a downright jerk. The same goes for those girls who adopt a b****y attitude because they think that men will find them humorous.

There are many reasons why people engage in this kind of deliberately offensive behavior. They might think it’s amusing, be compensating for the lack of other personality or physical traits, be bitter, or simply want attention. Whatever the reason, such deliberate douchebaggery is uncalled for, obnoxious, and unfortunately extremely prevalent. Perhaps if we didn’t sanction our friends’ behavior, but instead we called them out on it, they would simply stop doing it. Now that’s a thought.

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