FollowGrey found me in the post-Joe withdrawals, and his gentle sort of loving coaxed me back to life. I guess it’s a bad idea to compare your beaux to a former flame, but I couldn’t help noticing the stark contrast between the two sparks. I had turned over a new leaf.
Joe was a man’s man, a common man, dark and brooding. I could take Grey on outings with my friends. He was charming. We’d spend long nights snuggling in bed, pouring over Shakespeare or Heaney. He took care of me when I was sick; he didn’t consider that sort of compassion demeaning like Joe had.
Grey was also an older man, sophisticated and smooth. He was an Earl, actually, the silky sort of character who would only trade his black wool suits for velvet blazers, who always carried a handkerchief, and who always scented his handkerchief with dried flowers. He spent long hours steeping in his own thoughts, but he always made time for me.
Sadly, all that aristocratic sophistication deteriorated, leaving me with a persnickety and fastidious old Brit. Grey was needy, and had a lot of baggage. And he was far too moody, fruity, then nutty, sweet, spicy, or downright bitter, and each phase seemed to come with its own rules. I couldn’t keep up. When I wanted to turn things up with some steamy fun, he’d wilt and burn out. When I needed space, he’d boil over. For all that, his affection started to feel watered down after Joe’s explosive physicality. I ended up giving more than I got with Grey, and after a while, we split clean, like cracked porcelain.
The Torrid Affair:
- A NOBLE TITLE: Earl Grey – black tea flavored with bergamot – takes its name from Charles Grey, the second man to hold the title “Earl Grey”. A powerful Whig who eventually became Prime Minister, Earl Grey helped ensure the political survival of Britain’s 1832 Great Reform Bill, which expanded voting rights to the common man. Advertisers probably chose the name to capitalize on Earl Grey’s popularity, meaning we don’t know if the Earl ever tasted this brew, but it’s delicious. The drive to incorporate bergamot into black tea started because the orange-like fruit made cheap, British tea taste more like the best exports from East Asia.
- FOR THE LOVESICK: Herbal tea can rein in a cold without the side effects of “real” drugs. We all know that ginger alleviates nausea, chamomile helps with insomnia, but brands like Traditional Medicinals and Yogi sell more elaborate concoctions that take on PMS, respiratory health, bloating, and the common cold. If you can ignore the slippery-sweet taste, Gypsy Cold Care and Breathe Easy are two of their most effective blends.
- THE FLOWERS: Unlike coffee, tea coexists beautifully with a mix flavors. I’ve tried varieties flavored with chocolate, rice, and even rum, but the floral brews win every time. Jasmine, grapefruit, blueberry and cassis, peppercorns and strawberry, lavender… YUM! My favorite flavor is Lupicia’s “Carol,” which blends rose, strawberry, coconut, and vanilla with a stout black tea.
- BREAKFAST IN BED: According to my dinner friends, I have the annoying habit of dipping food into my hot caffeinated beverage of choice. Toast, muffins, and scones are the worst offenders (so they tell me), but since nothing says “good morning” like a pasty laced with tea, try this incredible cake recipe with the Earl Grey built in!
- KEEPING IT SPICY: Most consumers have only encountered Chai in some unholy union with cream and sugar. They’re missing out, because straight Masala Chai boasts incredible and subtle flavors. In India, the unique blend of spices is called Karha built around ginger and cardamom. Karha varies regionally across India and Asia, but most varieties incorporate some combination of cinnamon, star anise, fennel seeds, peppercorns, nutmeg, and/or cloves. Chilli, coriander, mace, and licorice are less common, but not unheard of. During winter dead week, I started dipping free-dried apples into a cup of steaming Chai. The apples melted on my tongue like pie, and their sweetness took the edge off the unadulterated black tea.
- THE POETRY: Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, an English mathematician writing under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll, filled the story Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland with math allegories. The perpetual tea party with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, for instance, mocks the fixation on time common among Dodgson’s contemporaries. In the story, Time has frozen at 6 pm (teatime) and the Hatter and the Hare don’t dare disobey tradition by abandoning the tea party.
- SUMMER PICNICS: A simple summer drink, Southern-style sweet tea involves sugar and a surprising secret ingredient. Add sliced lemon, diced strawberries, or a sprig of fresh mint to personalize.
- THE SOFT SIDE: Under-appreciated or at least little-known, white tea has a light, nutty taste with half the caffeine in black tea (a solid white brew delivers 30-55 mg per 80z).
- CUT LOOSE: Loose leaf tea outperforms its non-compostable counterpart. You can mix flavors, adjust the strength of each brew, and prepare larger batches. The Lupicia and Teavana chains sell loose leaf teas that will suit most palettes. More locally, Far Leaves Tea in Berkeley has received strong Yelp reviews.
The Breakup:
- WOMEN WORK: At first, the fancy cast iron tea pot, glass steeping apparatus, and cute mugs hold a magical appeal; then the dishes pile up, and Grey isn’t one to help in the kitchen. Between scrubbing tanic acid stains out of your favorite cup, picking loose leaves out of the strainer, and tossing out moldy bags, tea is no friend to the lazy dorm-dweller or frazzled early riser.
- A DARK HISTORY: In 1848, British botanist Robert Fortune arrived in China with instructions to steal the secret for tea. The process he discovered: tea leaves are plucked from the bush and dried in the sun. Next, the leaves are cooked in a large cast-iron pan, then rolled and squeezed to extract their natural oils. This same process had been used for 2000 years. To Fortune’s surprise, black and green tea came from the same plant; producers simply left black tea in the sun all day, while green tea leaves went into the pan after a few hours.
- FIZZLING OUT: The unending paradox of tea: properly steeped tea doesn’t have enough caffeine to get me to the bus stop, but if I soak a teabag for an extra two minutes, my drink has the gourmet friendliness of Holden Caulfield.
I had no trouble quitting Grey. Our parting was as smooth as jasmine milk tea, and we’ve remained good friends. Sometimes he pops over for an afternoon chat about literature, sometimes I run into him at fancy hotel brunches. Maybe we should’ve had a cleaner break, but like the art of steeping the perfect cup, it’s complicated.
No Comments