FollowThe most wonderful time of the year is just two short days away! To fully appreciate all that Cal Day has to offer, follow this handy list of tips and tricks.
1. Day-Drink Discreetly
When out in broad daylight, it pays to be low key with your alcohol. Here are a few inventions Berkeley students may find especially helpful on this most joyous of occasions:
Because at Berkeley, even when you’re not studying, you’re studying
“Don’t mind me, I’m just a lost high school senior trying to call my mom”
Quench your thirst AND avoid bro tank tan lines
Sunscreen flask
“Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Main Stacks Mojitos”
The “Good Campus Ambassador Gone Bad”
2. Talk to Alumni
If the alum graduated before 1982 or after 1986, be prepared to list off your year, major, freshman year dorm, campus affiliations, career goals, where you interned last summer, why you still don’t have an internship for this summer, what you had for breakfast, your shoe size, etc. However, if the alum graduated in ’83, ’84, or ’85, mention the play. Allow them to talk for ~45 minutes. Sit back and enjoy.
3. Give an Impromptu Campus Tour
If you run into anyone from your hometown, anyone who knows your parents, or anyone you’ve ever met ever, you can bet they will ask you for a tour. It can be hard to remember all the details of this enormous campus on the spot, so don’t be a hero. Nobody likes a show-off, and your prospie won’t remember what you say anyway. Here’s a few campus features any Cal student will be able to remember in a heartbeat:
The best chicken strips you’ll ever have
Your favorite bathroom graffiti
The spot on Sproul where that thing with the Free Speech Movement happened that one time
The place where you got mauled trying to see Lil B
The only place in this goddamn city you can fall asleep anymore
4. Acknowledge Republicans
Every Cal Day, home game, parents weekend, and other such event that draws a large number of people who don’t/didn’t go here reminds us that Republicans exist. Though approaching a Republican (pronounced ri-puhb-li-kuh n) may be scary at first, take this as an opportunity to learn more about these exotic, majestic beasts. Make yourself appear small and avoid direct eye contact as you approach with quiet, deliberate steps. Allow them to sniff your hand and wait for a positive response before speaking. Lastly, remember that these mostly peaceful creatures can become agitated if they encounter objects they perceive as threats in their natural habitat, so exercise caution and hide your “Ready for Hillary” campaign button.
5. Convince your Friend/Neighbor/Sibling to Come Here
True Berkeley students don’t need convincing. Berkeley is known around the world for its prestige, academic rigor, activist student body, and liberal and progressive atmosphere. If this appeals to your friend/neighbor/sibling, great. If they seem apprehensive about Cal and mention the full ride and individualized attention (read: grade inflation) offered to them at USC, then we don’t want them here anyway.
6. Convince your Friend/Neighbor/Sibling Not to Come Here
Yeah, but what if you don’t particularly care for your friend/neighbor/sibling? Try the following steps:
- Invite them to shadow you for a day.
- Sit with them outside Wheeler during a Chem 1A midterm.
- Rinse and repeat until problem disappears.
7. Display your Cal Pride
Before you buy out the entire first floor of T-Shirt Orgy, consider the fact that displaying the school you attend on a t-shirt is way too mainstream for a campus with such a progressive and cutting-edge culture as Berkeley. And besides, wearing your college logo on a t-shirt can be seen as offensive to those without a higher education, so make sure to check your educated privilege first. On the other hand, you can bet most of the clothes in your closet were made in factories with unfair labor practices. Honestly, your best bet is to forgo all clothing. You don’t need The Man to dictate what to put on your body. Don’t let society tell you your body is something to be ashamed of and kept hidden. Nudity is the only way to truly show off your Berkeley pride.
***UNLESS you’re in a sorority, in which case the limit does not exist for the number of Cal-themed temporary tattoos and body jewels you can stick on your face. Oh, and a gold American Apparel hair bow? Absolutely necessary.
8. Justify Putting off Studying for Cal Day
“I know I have that CS 61A project due tomorrow, but I’ll study better once I blow off some steam. I’ll just go to this party for an hour or so. Wait, there’s a “special Cal-themed treat” at Crossroads today? For SURE getting the freshman in my club to swipe me in. Oh crap, I forgot I have to get coffee with my mom’s coworker’s cousin’s son’s friend who is thinking of going here. Maybe I’ll call and say I’m sick and can’t meet up. Oh look, my roommate made blue and gold jello shots. Well, it would be rude not to try one right? Or 3… Whatever, I’ll just pull an all-nighter.”
9. Justify Skipping Cal Day to Study
“I feel really good about this. For once I’m putting studying first. So what if today’s Cal Day? There’ll be three more in my undergraduate career, maybe even four more with the shitty Telebears times I keep getting. I’ll just check Snapchat real quick before I get to work. Ok, I know it’s Cal Day, but why is every single snap story about partying? Are they taunting me? Wait, is that the cute guy from my stats lecture? He’s at the same party my roommate’s at? That’s it, I’m going out. Whatever, I’ll just pull an all-nighter.”
10. Utilize all the Flyers You’ll be Handed
Decorate your crappy student apartment at little to no cost
With wallpaper this good, who needs furniture?
Wipe away sweat and/or tears.
You’ll need them after your midterm next week
Save them for finals week.
They’ll be perfect for stuffing under your door so you don’t hear your neighbors throwing end-of-semester parties the night before your Friday 8-11 am final.
11. Impress your Friends with DIY Cal Themed Treats
You can either spend hours in the kitchen baking and decorating, a task so daunting that I didn’t even have the energy to google how to do it, or you can hit up that semi-sketch friend-of-a-friend for a little somethin’ somethin’ to put the “baked” in baked goods. Both options say “I love Berkeley” equally well. Up to you.
12. Party Safe
As much as we at Caliber appreciate a good “Berkeley loves edibles” joke every now and then, we also want to make sure our fellow bears know how to enjoy Cal Day responsibly. Please check out the Tang Center’s tips on how to have a good time safely.
13. Remember why you Came Here
If there’s a lesson to be learned among all the chaos that is Cal Day, it’s that with 30,000 of our generation’s brightest, most creative, hardest working individuals all in one place, there’s always something happening at UC Berkeley. If you want to see the world’s leading chemistry department in action, stop by Pimentel on Saturday to take part in hands-on experiments. If you want to get involved with pretty much any issue you can imagine, hit up Cal Day’s Student Involvement Fair. If you just want to meet some new people and party in the sun, head to Greek Row.
Though the students, programming, and attendees change from year to year, Cal Day always sends the world the same message: Berkeley is alive. Berkeley is diverse. Berkeley is home. We’re glad we’re here.
Image sources: "UCBerkeleyCampus" by brainchildvn on Flickr, Deviant Art, Deliciously Noted, magoosh.com
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