My name is Alex. I am proud to announce that I am your new, unbiased, go-to girl for all of your relational issues. Although some may assume that because I am not forty years old and married with kids that I have no real experience or wisdom- but I beg to differ. Throughout my life I have witnessed and endured a lot, learning from relationships I’ve had and ones that I have been exposed to by way of family and friends.
Relationships are never easy, but making them work in a healthy way is not impossible. Write me, question me, ask my opinion, or whatever you’d like- I will offer my best advice! Feel free to submit your love story, so that others can be inspired as well!
March 18th, 2013
March 9th, 2013
I have recently started seeing this guy, I really like him and I’ve been spending lots of time around him. The more we talk the more we have in common. We’ve know each other for years but never really talked because we were always in relationship or just playing games. But now we are in a different place in our lives and are looking to just become really great friends and maybe even more than that one day. We both are physically attracted to each other, but we aren’t ready for the any big commitments. The biggest downfall is he’s dated one of my good friends years ago. She and I had a falling out not too long ago but are okay now. So how long do we wait to tell her if things do get serious? Or even let the world know…?
Dear Confused Girl,
This is a complicated situation because this is a lose-lose situation. First, I feel that you should decide what it is that you really want to do. If your friend dated him a few years ago, then there’s a
chance that she’s completely over it, but there is also a possibility that she isn’t (depending on how serious they once were). However, considering that you’ve already begun to like this guy, then it’s probably too late to consider the way your friend may feel; nonetheless, you should ask yourself why you didn’t respect that unspoken rule of avoiding getting close with your friend’s ex(s) in the first place. I’m sure if she were your absolute best friend, talking to him would have never even been a possibility for you, but it almost seems as if you don’t really care what she might think if/when she finds out because you are still willing to pursue something with him. If you really like this guy, you’re essentially going to have to make the choice to distance yourself from her because she might be upset when she finds out… or maybe she won’t. I feel like you should take your time with getting to know this guy. Does he know that you’re friends with his ex? If so, you should question why he is willing to jeopardize your friendship with her. But then again, their relationship may not have been serious at all, which could be why he may not think it’s a big deal. Either way it goes, it would be wise for you to filter out any and all red flags within his personality so that you can decide whether or not you are completely compatible with him. Don’t let your physical attraction to him justify anything that he does wrong, because then you may be making a grave decision. If your feelings continue to grow, you should just be completely honest with your friend and be prepared for however she decides to react. Good luck! Let me know how this turns out.
November 17th, 2012
So I’m seeing this guy back home (for the past year almost), but we have never actually put a title on it. We don’t go out on dates but he always sleeps over my house. I don’t know if I should cut him off because we really aren’t anything, but he stepped into my life after a bad breakup. I never wanted to, but I became attached to him. We don’t share our feelings; there are only simple ‘I miss you’s’ and things like that… he’s never been the guy to get with someone all of a sudden, but he’s the one who wants to pick me up from the airport, and/or remind me of how he wishes I was home. I’m not sure if its an act or not but I’m developing strong feelings for him now and I don’t know what to do about it.
Dear Confused Girl,
Since you’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year, I think the “title” discussion is long overdue. It never hurts to ask, so don’t be scared to do so. Besides, why would you want to keep torturing yourself with confusion when you could easily get an answer within a matter of minutes? The worst he can tell you is that he doesn’t want a relationship with you- then you will know to keep moving on. Decide what it is that you REALLY want.
October 28th, 2012
I slept with my boyfriend’s friend and we fell in love with each other, but things got out of hand. My boyfriend found out and doesn’t trust me, but he still wants me back. He wants to get married after 5 years and is willing to do anything, but a part of me has feelings for the other guy. I’m torn because my boyfriend still means the world to me. How do I leave the other one alone if I want my boyfriend, but my feelings won’t go away because the sex is amazing… But my boyfriend just isn’t the same as he used to be.
Dear Lost Girl,
Sounds like you’ve got yourself into a pickle. First of all, it’s never a healthy practice to cheat. Why be in a relationship if you’re not going to be faithful? Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed- you’d probably be crushed, considering that you said he still means the world to you.
I think it would be best, in your situation, to cut the other guy off completely. If your boyfriend is willing to work things out with you (despite you sleeping with his friend), then that should tell you a lot about his character. You may want to reconsider what you have with and within your boyfriend and try to work your issues out before you lose the guy you really love.
I don’t really think you’ve fallen in love with your boyfriend’s friend. You mentioned how things with your boyfriend aren’t the same anymore- but it’s obvious that you still love him. I’m convinced that you might be using the changes that you’ve seen within your boyfriend overtime to excuse your little rendezvous with his friend. I also think you’re looking for someone else to do what your boyfriend doesn’t do so much anymore. Do you remember the saying, “never leave the one you love for the one you like”? Well, don’t let your lust drive you away from what sounds to me like a good guy. Work your problems out with your boyfriend.
October 11th, 2012
How do you move on from being hurt in the past? I am dating a guy I have very strong feelings for. I trust him, but every time he does something that someone has done to me in the past, it reminds me of that person and it scares me. I end up overreacting because I think he is going to turn out to be like the rest. How do I move on from being hurt, learn to love and open up again?
Afraid to Open Up Again
Dear Afraid to Open Up Again,
Moving on always takes time. The amount of time varies from person to person, however, you must take certain steps to ensure that you don’t remain stuck on the pain that your past inflicted upon you. You may very well be overreacting, but first you have to ask yourself if you’re attracted to the guy you’re currently dating because he subconsciously reminds you of the guy from the past- if so, this isn’t a good thing. Before anything else, you should figure that out. If you discover this to be the case then you should ask yourself why you’re so attracted to that type of person.
You shouldn’t date a guy if you’re scared that he’ll “turn out to be like the rest”. Honestly I think you should figure out the exact traits you want in a guy, and go for that particular kind of mate. Don’t settle for less! You’ll never be happy if you do. Also, try to remain optimistic, but don’t ignore red flags in guy’s personalities when you see them.
September 28th, 2012
My boyfriend never likes to be wrong. He always has to have the last word, he always has to be right, we always have to do things his way. I want to have more say so in the relationship. I’m quiet and I don’t really like confrontation or drama so I always just go along with what he says. How can I have more of a voice ?
Dear Silent Sara,
It sounds like your boyfriend has learned to take advantage of your meek spirit. If you want to be heard, you’re going to have to be vocal and suggest that you guys start compromising. This is the type of situation that can only be changed overtime, and it’s going to be a challenge for the both of you. However, you must remember that change will only be brought forth if and when you decide to speak up for yourself.
I suggest that you bring the issue to your boyfriend’s attention when he is in a good mood and/or when you feel that he will be receptive to your opinions. If he’s truly understanding, he will listen to you. Be honest and straightforward when you talk to him. Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he shuts you down. If he is worth anything, your unhappiness should alarm him and he will listen to you. When he agrees to start compromising with you, then you’ll have to be patient with him and sweetly remind him of the agreement you guys came to. Don’t expect him to change over night, because he won’t. Remember: bad habits always take a long time to break. If he doesn’t agree to start compromising with you, you may want to reconsider whether or not it’s really worth it to be in a relationship with a stiff tyrant.
September 21st, 2012
How do you feel about open relationships? I’m tired of being possessive over the people I date and I feel like love and sex are such different things that only go together because of our culture.
Wants to Try Something New
Dear Wants to Try Something New,
Relationships are based on love, trust, commitment, and fidelity between two people- and two people ONLY. Anything else, like the concept of being in an “open” relationship, really isn’t a relationship at all. I like to think of people who are in “open” relationships as “friends with benefits” because there is no real commitment. What’s the point? There isn’t one.
“Open” relationships cause problems. First of all, it isn’t sexually healthy. I think that aspect is pretty self-explanatory. “Open” relationships are too complex for most women because we are very emotional beings (and, of course, some men can be very emotional as well). An “open” relationship is practically a guaranteed heartbreak; not to mention the jealousy and mixed feelings that will begin to manifest between the two who’ve originally agreed to be in an “open” relationship.
Here’s my advice: instead of being involved in an “open” relationship, determine which qualities you want in a partner before you go looking for one. There’s nothing wrong with dating and getting to know people, but you should look for someone whom you share common values and morals with. Once you meet that person and your relationship with him/her advances, you won’t have to worry about feeling possessive because you won’t be insecure about the type of relationship that you’re in. It takes time, but it’s totally worth it in the long run.
April 21st, 2012
Is it weird that I judge my date based on how I *think* my friends will like her? Should I feel bad?
Weary of Public
Dear Weary of Public,
Instead of automatically basing your judgement on your assumptions, base them on what you think first. Take her out on several dates if you’re truly interested in her. After a couple dates, you’ll begin to see whether or not this girl has potential of being your girlfriend. After you’ve spent a good amount of time with her, then you should bring her around your friends to get their opinion. Sometimes, our friends can see things in our significant other that we don’t always recognize, but you shouldn’t judge your date immediately on what you *think* your friends would say.
April 19th, 2012
How does one enter a relationship? Do a guy and a girl just go on several dates, and then one day, after they both decide they’re compatible, one of them asks the other, “Hey, wanna become a couple?”
Confused About the Relationship System
Dear Confused About the Relationship System,
It seems to me that relationships just naturally happen once a couple realizes that they have the right chemistry. Dating a person consistently is one way that a relationship can come about, but there are many other ways that people become drawn to each other and decide to make things official as well. If you’re interested in someone and you’re thinking of pursuing them, go for it! After a while of getting to know that person you will know whether or not they are right for you!
April 15th, 2012
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years, and made the transition from high school to college together. However, we have hit a bit of a rough patch and decided to take a break. Are breaks a good thing for couples, and what are the rules for taking breaks?
Wish Things Would Just Be Fixed
Dear Wish Things Would Just Be Fixed,
I personally believe that breaks are sad excuses for people to run away from their problems within their relationship. Honestly, I am not a fan of taking breaks because I believe that couples should be truly dedicated to making their relationship work out, despite how rough things might become. Rather than taking a break and ignoring the issues, consider different methods of overcoming the obstacles within your relationship. Everyone comes across problems with their boyfriend or girlfriend- you just have to decide how much your relationship means to you and figure out whether it has potential of being permanent or temporary.
April 9th, 2012
I have been in love with a guy back home for the longest time. Last year I told him how I felt about him, but then things got weird, so to stay friends with him I just pretended not to have feelings for him because I knew it probably would never work out. Now, when I’m at school, I gradually forget about him and I’m fine. But as soon as I go back home over breaks, it’s like I’m just where I was before, and I still really have feelings for him. I try not to talk about it to my friends because they’ve been hearing about it forever and I want them to think I’ve moved on, and part of me wishes I could just move on too. But when I’m with him I just want to be with him. So what should I do… be honest with myself and him and tell him how I feel, risk ruining our friendship, with the best possible result being a long distance relationship that probably wouldn’t work out? Or should I continue to keep my feelings hidden whenever I’m around him and try to stay away from him as much as possible in order to forget about him and move on?
Trouble Letting Go
Dear Trouble Letting Go,
Ask this guy how he feels about you. There is no need for you to continue to wallow in misery by wondering what could possibly result from you finding out how he feels. If you pretend like you don’t have feelings for him you will only continue to suffer, especially whenever you’re reminded of him. Once you find out how he feels, you’ll be able to move forward by doing whatever you think is necessary. If he admits that he likes you, then consider a long distance relationship with him. Long distance relationships aren’t actually as bad as they seem (trust me, I’m in an amazing one). If he communicates that he only wants to stay friends with you, then accept it and start moving on. You wouldn’t necessarily have to cut him out of your life, but it should be easy for you to move on because you won’t focus on the possibilities anymore.
April 3rd, 2012
My boyfriend went to a strip club with his guy friends and didn’t tell me about it…..is that considered cheating?…some of my girlfriends say they let their husbands/boyfriends go every once in a while with their guy friends but I’m just not comfortable with the whole thing.
Personally, I would feel cheated on if my boyfriend even dared stepping foot in a strip club (I would feel even worse if I didn’t know about it). Cheating isn’t always physical- it can be emotional too (hence, lustful thoughts). Truth is, you will never really know what was going on in your boyfriend’s mind while he was there. Since you’re uncomfortable with it, I suggest that you’d raise the issue and tell him that you don’t feel comfortable with him going out to a strip club, and let him know that you don’t ever want him to go again, out of respect for you and the relationship you guys share. When you bring the subject up to him, remember to watch your tone and body language (if you confront him in person), also, don’t make any outright accusations- he won’t react calmly if he feels that he’s being attacked.
March 31st, 2012
I asked a guy out. He didn’t say yes or no, but he was too polite to be straightforward, so I took his reaction as a no. We still see each other in class, and we’re civil with one another. I still have feelings for him. How should I act? Should I apologize to him for making him feel awkward when I asked him out?
Dear Unrequited Love,
Just be your normal self around him. If you feel that you need some type of closure then I do suggest that you bring it up to him so you both can have some clarity. Once you initiate a discussion you will know whether an apology is necessary or not. Don’t stress- the weirdness shouldn’t last too long.
March 13th, 2012
My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for about 3 years now. We broke up at the start of this year because we both freaked out about long-distance, but continued to text and flirt and hook up over the course of last semester. We rekindled the relationship over winter break and it’s better than ever. My big concern is that as much as I love him, I’m not sure he’s “the one” and I feel like dating him makes it tough for me to meet other guys that could be better for me. He’s a wonderful guy and I might be over-thinking things, but what if holding off for him prevents me from meeting my true “Mr. Right?”
Dear Long-Distance Lover,
If you’re not completely into your boyfriend, you shouldn’t be with him. It’s not fair to him that you’re second guessing whether or or not you want to be in a relationship with him just because you’re thinking that he may not be “Mr. Right”. I honestly think you should reevaluate your situation. You need to decide if you want to take the risk of losing him by leaving him to date other guys, or just tough it out and be emotionally faithful to him. You are definitely leading him on and you really should stop.
March 11th, 2012
I’ve been dating this guy off and on for about a year now. It’s off and on because we go to different schools and agreed to not have a long distance relationship. However, recently a semi-old flame came back. Well, let me rephrase, we never went out. I asked him if he was feelin’ me & that I was kinda feelin’ him (like 2 years ago) & he never acted on it. Now that he sees that I’m kind of dating someone else, he seems surprised that I didn’t wait for him. Like really? Ughh. What should I do? What if he grows balls and actually acts on his feelings? I mean, I can say no but at the same time, I’m not officially attached. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Always Stuck in the Middle
Dear Always Stuck in the Middle,
In my opinion, you shouldn’t wait on any guy who has communicated to you that he does not want a long distance relationship, no matter what he says after he finds out you’re dating someone new. There really aren’t any excuses- if a guy really wants to be in a relationship with you, he will be. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and we do everything we can to make things work out between us despite our circumstances. I think this guy is full of crap because he expects you to wait around while he’s somewhere else doing who knows what. Keep your options open in terms of dating, but be cool with him and just let the weirdness die down (because it really doesn’t seem like you will end up being with him, anyway). He’s already showing signs of inconsistency and that’s definitely a red flag because his patterns will manifest themselves into your relationship if you decide to pursue one with him. As Jay Z says, “On to the next one!”
March 9th, 2012
There’s a 4th year guy who is one of the tutors at the Student Learning Center. I’ve spoken to him before, and he’s helped me with studying a bit before. He’s smart, cute, friendly, and graduating in May. I’m just a freshman girl that guys are never attracted to. How do I ask him out?
Needs a Boost in Confidence
Dear Needs a Boost in Confidence,
If you want to get this guy’s attention, continue to go to the SLC and simply be yourself when you’re around him. Try doing some lightweight flirting and see how he reacts. All you can do is let things play out from that point. If he flirts back, maybe you should suggest that you guys hang out sometimes… don’t doubt yourself! Just see what he says.
March 6th, 2012
I have this problem of never confronting my friends when I have a problem with something they said or done to me; with that said recently I was at a party and one of my friends hooked up with this guy who was interested in me. Granted I have no feelings for him. My point is that I asked her if she did anything that night and she said no. For some reason this really bothered me. Some people said she was shady and others ask me why I even care especially since I don’t like the guy. I don’t know if I should say something or not. She’s supposed to be one of my closest friends too.
Dear Miss Pushover,
Now that you know this girl can be shady, you should be careful of what you tell her, and I suggest that you should begin to instill some healthy distance between the two of you. It’s a good thing that you don’t have feelings for the guy, and at the same time it’s good that you know she lied about hooking up with him because it exposes her true colors (since she knew you were interested in him). In this case I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary that you confront her because she’s not going to tell you the truth and the guy wasn’t really significant to you. If he were your ex or someone that you had sincere feelings for you, that would be a different story and I would advise you to approach the situation in a different matter. Once you begin to establish boundaries within your “friendship” with her, she will notice that things between you guys have changed. Establishing boundaries without confrontation isn’t being a pushover at all, so don’t feel that you’re obligated to explain yourself to anyone. You don’t need to associate with anyone who is that sneaky- a true friend would never do that to you.
March 3rd, 2012
I have fallen in love with this guy. He is the first person that I can truly say has never lied to me & has always kept it real with me, no matter what it is. He’s told me that he feels it’s getting serious & he feels the same about me, but there is a slight problem. There’s a complication on his side (I’d rather not discuss) So I feel why wait on something I can’t have. I made that comment & he said it kind of hurt his feelings. Since I made that comment we have gotten closer, in my opinion. They say actions speak louder than words, & his actions back up what he says, but the situation & complication is still there which keeps us from being together & having a title. Don’t get me wrong, he does pretty much everything a boyfriend does. He’s beyond great. But the fact still remains, there’s a complication still at hand. What do you think?
Lost in Love
Dear Lost in Love,
If you really love this guy, wait on him. There isn’t anything wrong with being patient, just don’t wait too long because he might turn his “complication” into an excuse not to make things absolutely official with you. Keep on expressing yourself to him no matter what- this will help him understand where you’re coming from, considering that there is a “complication” interfering with you having an official title. Everything will work itself out since you’re both being honest with each other. Keep it that way.
March 2nd, 2012
What is with guys who can’t be bothered to respond to their texts at all? It seems completely rude to me, but apparently, it’s no big deal to them. Do you think that texting gives people an excuse to throw all dating etiquette out the window?
Us women must remember that guys aren’t always the best communicators. If you’re texting a guy who doesn’t respond to you, then just stop texting him. It might seem harsh but he probably isn’t into you and you’re wasting your effort on someone who isn’t going to ever give you the kind of genuine attention that you need as a woman. Yes, it is extremely rude of him to ignore you, but be aware that if he occasionally makes attempts to act like he is interested, he most definitely isn’t considering a relationship with you and quite possibly has a specific agenda that he hopes to execute with you (if you know what I mean). Guys that can’t respond to a simple text message aren’t even worth being bothered with. You want someone who generally knows how to communicate and who answers you when you reach out to him. It’s really not a lot to ask- it’s just common courtesy, especially if you’re dating that person. Texting definitely doesn’t give people an excuse to disregard dating etiquette, but it seems that a lot of the guys in our generation are of a different breed and somehow forgot how important dating etiquette actually is.
February 29th, 2012
I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year now and we really have this amazing bond and great chemistry. My friends always ask me if were falling in love or if he’s said “I love you” yet and he hasn’t. Should I be concerned?
Dear Utterly Confused,
If you guys have been going steady for almost a year I think you should just ask him how he really feels about you. If you love him you should just tell him. He may be shy, but once the ice is broken, everything will start making sense to you. Be bold! Ask him! There’s no reason to be scared of anything at this point.
February 28th, 2012
I’m getting over a break-up and am still in the process of pulling myself back together. I was in a serious relationship with someone who I thought I could have a future with, at least for a few more years. Still, I have a few episodes here and there in which I can’t help but ponder the past. I understand an ex is an ex for a reason, and people who enter your life often teach you a lesson, but for some reason this break-up has a larger impact on me that I ever expected it to. What’s a girl to do? It’s been a solid five months since the break-up, but how do I get into the swing of things–to really feel better about myself within? I find myself still very guarded. What’s a good time frame to start dating again after being in a serious relationship?
Break ups aren’t always easy. It’s natural to think of your past relationship and begin reminiscing on the experiences you shared with your ex. After a while, that will begin to fade away once you decide that you will fully let it go. In order to feel better about yourself from within, you need to find things that make you happy. Part of your healing process should consist of participating in activities that you enjoy, whether it be drawing and painting to working out every morning. Spend more time with your friends! Have lots of girls-only nights watching movies, painting nails, eating your favorite snacks, and gossiping. Working out and girls-only nights always help me bounce back quickly when I’m feeling down, but every girl is different- you must move at a pace that is comfortable for you. If you feel that it is necessary, then take things slowly when it comes to dating someone else (especially if you still find yourself thinking of your ex all the time). Don’t date other people just to forget about your ex. Make sure you know that your ex isn’t the motivation behind wanting to date new guys- let the motivation come from your personal desire to find someone new. You wouldn’t want a guy to use you as a rebound, so don’t use other guys that you might possibly date as rebounds. It’s totally unfair. I understand that your pain is somewhat of a fresh wound considering that you anticipated that your relationship with your ex would last much longer than it did. It’s natural to feel guarded, but this feeling will go away if you maintain an optimistic attitude and have positive expectations in regards to what is coming next in your life. Your guard probably won’t totally be let down until you meet a guy who is willing to help you overcome your pain from the past. You will know that your guard has been let down once you notice that your pains aren’t haunting you anymore. Until you absolutely know that you’re ready, focus on yourself. Live it up!!!!!!! Have fun doing things that don’t involve guys!
February 27th, 2012
I’ve had feelings for this guy for the longest time, and I really think that it’s the real thing. How do I know if I’m in love or of this is just another crush?
Hoping It’s Real
Dear Hoping It’s Real,
Honestly if you’re not in a relationship with the guy and you’re not getting to know him on every level, you probably just have a really big crush on him. Until you’re with someone you don’t have the opportunity to get to know them in and out, which ultimately tests a person’s profession of love. You also wouldn’t know whether it’s the real thing or not unless there are mutual feelings between you two.
February 26th, 2012
Here’s the story: a handsome, tall, charming, 26-year-old Cal alumni with a great career (think of a job that requires a suit) approaches a Cal freshman girl (though he doesn’t know her real age until she tells him during this first encounter). A month later, they go on a date, have a great time, with genuine chemistry (there is no physical intimacy beyond hugging and touching hands), and he tells her he wants to see her again, and asks her to talk again soon. However, he does not ask her out for date number two, even though she has tried to initiate a second date. What in the world could be going through this man’s mind?
What’s Next in the Story?
Dear What’s Next in the Story,
There are a few things you can conclude from this. Here’s the first option: he might not have been completely interested in you after the first date, and he could’ve just been trying to be polite by suggesting there should be a second date. Another possibility is that he could be really busy or just trying to play hard to get. Don’t play games with him- if you’re that intrigued, then ask him out on a second date yourself instead of merely hinting at it. His reaction/response should answer all of your questions.
February 25th, 2012
I think I screwed up big time. I told my crush how I truly felt, and I think it just totally ruined our friendship. We haven’t talked at all this past week, and I think I effed things up for good. Is there any way I can possibly save our friendship or what’s left of it? Can things ever go back to normal? It doesn’t help that we always see each other on campus, and it’s not like I’m gonna change my daily routine to avoid these awkward situations. HELP!
I Just Want My Friend Back
Dear I Just Want My Friend Back,
It will take time, but in my opinion, yes, there is a possibility that your friendship can go back to normal as long as you don’t display your feelings for them. Start by reaching out to the person; don’t continue to make things awkward by giving your crush the after-things-got-weird-silent treatment. Just break the ice- if you had the courage to express your feelings to them, this part should be relatively easy. Send them a text asking how they’ve been. Don’t beat around the bush though, after they respond just ask your crush why they reacted the way they did, and proceed to let them know that you never intended to make things weird between you guys. Ask if you were too forward, and if they say yes, apologize. Once the ice is broken, respond with the same amount of effort that you are being given. Based on the person’s effort to continue to have a friendship, that’s how you will know whether you will get your friend back or not.
February 24th, 2012
I am lazy. Girls are effort. Why can’t they just do stuff? Why? A fortune cookie recently told me that I am going to, “have a new love affair” (fortune cookie #2 pg.1)!!!! I can’t wait for this to happen!!! I guess this is an advice column so what advice do you have for me?
YES, girls ARE effort, but so are guys! Keep in mind that girls appreciate guys who aren’t lazy. Some girls will drop hints if they’re interested, but some of us aren’t as bold as guys wish we were, so instead we just wait to be approached. If you’re not making any effort, don’t expect a girl to approach you unless you prefer to be with a manly woman who likes to boss everyone around.
February 24th, 2012
I have a crush on a really sweet boy. He seems kind of foreign, wears really cute colorful ties, and he does all these adorable things. He tells me really funny stories about how he dances in the elevator when no one’s looking, how he still calls his parents mommy and daddy, and how he failed his driving exam like 7 times (lol!). I really want to be with him. The problem is I think he has a girlfriend
(although, I think I’m definitely prettier than her). What should I do? I’m so confused.
Dear Longfully Longing,
You need to be straight up and ask foreign boy if he has a girlfriend. If he does, then take your eyes off of him and keep it pushin’. If he doesn’t, there’s nothing wrong with getting to know him more to see where things could possibly lead between you two. Once you find out whether he’s single or not, everything will fall into place and you won’t be confused anymore!
February 23rd, 2012
I want to have the experience of dating different guys to try and see what traits I’m compatible with. But before I start making moves on guys, I want to ask you if this would upset them. Would I look like a player or look like I’m just leading them on? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Want to Try Dating
Dear Want to Try Dating,
I, personally, have never been the type to date multiple guys at once- my friends have done it before and it led to mass amounts of emotional confusion. On the other hand, if you’re just trying to figure out what you like, it never hurts to have a list of characteristics that you want your ideal guy to have. If a guy comes around that catches your interest and you find that he meets your standards, then you should consider getting serious and dating him to see where it might lead. Prioritize your standards and don’t ever ignore the red flags in someone’s personality or history. Start off as friends with the guys that come your way; this will allow you to determine whether or not he could be boyfriend material. While you’re getting to know a guy, you shouldn’t be physically intimate- anything beyond a normal friendship would be considered leading him on, especially if you have other options. If you keep things platonic, no one’s feelings will end up being crushed if you decide that a particular guy isn’t the right one for you. Overall, try to be patient. I found that the best things come to us when we are not looking.
February 22nd, 2012
I’ve been dating this guy for years. We met when I was in high school and he had been my best friend for the longest until we hit a major speed bump in our relationship. We endured a lot of infidelity and lying on both ends. I will admit I was in the wrong a few times but I always acted out of spite. He’s pushed me to my limits over and over again to where I doubt if I can remain happy with him anymore. We’ve had great times together and when we are a union we are unstoppable as a team. He wants me to give what he can’t give: he wants a completely committed relationship but he continues to have girls. He’s always had so many options and won’t let them go. What do I do? I’m crazy in love and we have a son.
Lady in Love
Dear Lady in Love,
It would be great if your relationship with him could work out- especially for your son, but unfortunately that just isn’t reality sometimes. I understand that you are crazy in love with him- besides, he is the father of your child. One thing you have to start thinking about in this situation is yourself and your child’s happiness before anything else. First of all, your son shouldn’t have to witness his mommy suffering because of what daddy does. You shouldn’t have to keep being cheated on, and believe me: he probably won’t stop unless a miracle happens. His filthy habit is not something that you can change either. If he has shown you that he isn’t strictly devoted to a relationship with you, then I think you should move on. Don’t subject yourself to his lies and deceit, and DON’T try to change him because you will destroy yourself. It’s unfair for him to expect you to be entirely devoted to him, especially if he has cheated on you over and over again. That’s completely unacceptable. I’ve dealt with the cheating type and it literally took a really bad experience for me to learn that trying to maintain a happy relationship with a cheater is impossible. Sustain a cordial relationship with him for the sake of your son, but keep your options open for other guys (if you’re interested in dating anyone at this point). NO MATTER WHAT, always remember that your SON comes first throughout all of this. Don’t neglect him trying to seek love from his father or any other man, at that. Your son is your man, now. Be patient and wait for the right guy to come along- not all of them are the same!
February 21st, 2012
I’m so lost , lately a few of my friends have been professing their love for me but I’m not sure how to react or how to decide what I want. I really don’t want to break hearts.
Dear So Confused,
It’s not as complicated as you think. You clearly don’t have the same feelings that your friends have toward you, but don’t feel bad about it. I’ve been put in that situation, and I must admit: it was totally awkward afterward. Sometimes, breaking hearts is inevitable. They will live though, I promise. Just let them know you are just focusing on yourself and you’re not looking to make any advances with them. They have to respect it, and if they don’t, then you’ll know that their motives are selfish. You’ll be fine and so will they. Just be honest- that’s all you really can do.
February 21st, 2012
I have been involved in this beautiful relationship for 1 year now- well a year and a few months- we are now engaged, plan to get married after we graduate, and living together. We started having sex after 6 months of our relationship and I believe everything in our relationship is perfect but I find myself getting distracted and losing focus in school, I don’t keep in contact with my friends as often, and I blame myself. I am really happy in my relationship and I know we love each other dearly. We are mentally, spiritually, and physically meant to be. We have a very intense sex life not to mention. But through all the good and happiness I know what I need to do as far as getting my grades together, and rebuilding my relationships with my friends, BUT how do I do that without jeopardizing what we have going on here? Sex, I hope isn’t our downfall or even us living together I hope. I Just want to be right and make right decisions and not lose my good man. Is that we are simply to attached, but separation is pointless at this point WE PLAN TO SPEND OUR LIVES TOGETHER! I don’t want out relationship to change but I want the both of us to excel and be perfect examples for our children one day. I just need advice on how to keep him satisfied and still have motives.
If your relationship is as strong as you believe it to be, then reestablishing your friendships and getting your grades together shouldn’t jeopardize anything. In fact, your fiance should be in full support of you making those things happen. Reach out to your friends. Plan shopping dates and other random outings with them, but without your fiance. You should also try arranging study dates with him. Let him know that your studies are important to you. Set aside time each day to do homework- if he can’t respect that, then I think you should reevaluate your relationship with him. I honestly believe that living together is a mistake. Before a person gets married, I believe that it is best for and individual to prepare for marriage by perfecting his or her character. That person should know that they are completely suitable for his or her mate. How can you and your fiance grow and establish yourselves as individuals if you never have time apart to figure yourselves out? My boyfriend and I are separated because we go to school in different states, but we truly appreciate the distance because it allows us to focus on making ourselves better for each other (although we hate it at the same time). We vowed not to have sex or live together until we are married because we want to have things to look forward to with one another. We also know that sex complicates things, and although it is very hard not to do it when we are together, we value that we love each other as deeply as we do even without having sex. Having such an intense sex life with your fiance might be blinding you, causing you to rationalize things that in all reality need to be fixed. Try figuring out what the root of your confusion is. When you do, brainstorm ways that you can address these issues so that you can start making some changes to better yourself and your relationship!
February 21st, 2012
I’m currently dating someone who truly makes me happy. The thing is we’ve only known each other for a few months. He’s already talking about marriage and moving in together. I truly think he is the one for me. But I still haven’t let my past go and I always let my emotions get the best of me. We tend to fight over the smallest and dumbest things at times. Lately he’s been acting really insecure; he’s been checking my phone and now wants me to change my number because I still keep in touch with a few of my exes. Not that I want to be with them, but we left the relationship on good terms. I’m also scared of letting down my guard because I tend to be the one who gives my all and gets
hurt in the end, guys like to take advantage of me. But I need your advice ASAP.
Confused/ Self- conscious Girl
Dear Confused/Self-conscious Girl,
If you truly believe that this new guy you’re dating is “the one”, then be more optimistic and give all of your heart to him. You can’t continue to guard your heart if you want this relationship to be healthy and grow. My boyfriend and I had this same struggle in the beginning, so I understand how you feel. You keeping in touch with your exes is a problem; you’re going to have to stop that if you want your new boo to stop being so insecure. Think about it: you wouldn’t be cool with him keeping in touch with his exes either, no matter how peaceful the breakup was. I’m sure you’d have a bitch-fit if that were the case. By keeping in touch with these guys, you’re being unfair to your boyfriend. One of my favorite things to say is, “an ex is an ex for a reason”, and I really believe that you should consider this notion in your new relationship. My boyfriend and I naturally cut off our exes before we even became official because we knew that what we had was something different and special. He and I HATED each other in high school and in the first two years of college, but one day we decided to give each other a real chance and from that very day, somehow, I knew that he was “the one” for me and he knew the same about me. We decided early on that we would be exclusive and commit to each other to see how our relationship would grow; I am convinced that a major factor in the success of our relationship has been us cutting off the people that we used to be involved with. If he wants you to change your number, do it with no questions asked! If he is “the one”, then you should be willing to show him that you are only focused on him. In regards to letting your guard down, remember that you aren’t in this relationship alone. You have him to confide in- talk to him, explain your fears to each other, and discuss ways to help each other overcome them. My boyfriend had the “what are your fears” discussion over and over again, and we have helped each other grow in so many ways that we no longer have those fears anymore. It took a lot of patience, but I swear to you that every little bit of effort we have put into our relationship has been worth it.
February 20th, 2012
So me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. He always calls me when I’m busy and I tell him I’ll call him back in a certain amount of minutes. BUT when I call him back he never answers. So I’ll try multiple times and then like half an hour later he’ll tell me he was doing something. What should I do? It makes me frustrated because I call him back almost right away, or right when I tell him I will and he’s not there. I feel like if he really wanted to talk to me, he’d be ready to talk when I called him. Should I worry that he doesn’t want to talk to me, or am I just overreacting?
Sick of Getting Voicemail
Dear Sick of Getting Voicemail,
I am in a long distance relationship as well, so I know that communication can be strained at times. My boyfriend and I are two time-zones apart, so if we can’t be on the phone we are sure to constantly text throughout the day. If you don’t already, maybe you should try doing that. Also, don’t assume the worst when it comes to whether he wants to talk to you or not- I’m sure if he didn’t want to talk to you, he wouldn’t be in a relationship with you at all. Try to understand that he will not always be available when you want him to be- I’m sure you’re not always available when he wishes you were. Set times for Skype or iChat dates that work for the both of you. My boyfriend and I are sure to video chat each day at some point so that we can keep each other posted on the random occurrences in our busy, everyday lives. Exercise some patience and don’t openly be frustrated with your boyfriend if he is busy. Be fair to him, because I’m sure you’d want him to be fair with you.
February 20th, 2012
There is this guy in my class that I absolutely adore. He fits every box on my check list and seems to be pretty near perfect. After class every day, we walk home together, but then that’s it. We haven’t exchanged numbers and he hasn’t asked to hang out. How do I casually slip into conversation that we should see each other more than the five minutes it takes to walk home??
Dear Hopelessly Waiting,
I think that it’s safe to assume that guys like when a girl is bold. Don’t be scared to suggest exchanging numbers or hanging out- once you do it, you’ll feel like a load has been lifted off of your chest. Once the exchange takes place, you’ll be able to see whether or not your friendship will advance, depending on the chemistry between you guys. The worst he can do is say ‘no’ or make up some lame excuse… if he does, don’t sweat it. He just isn’t the right one. Don’t be scccuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrred girl! Go for it!
February 19th, 2012
My ex and I had a really strong relationship until college came. He was convinced it could work with the distance, and I kind of doubted it because I was scared. Well we ended up ending things, but we talk here and there and chemistry always comes back, however I feel tables have turned. Now I want it to work, but I feel he’s scared. He still tells me he cares for me and he sees us being back to how we were; he even made ten times more effort than he did before. Our bond got closer and the casual ” I love you’s” came back. However, it seems once things got really good, he just disappeared. Well to get to the point, we haven’t talked for a month and a half, and I feel he tries to get my attention in the weirdest ways, but his pride won’t let him hit me up. Do you think it’s ridic to put my pride aside and send a text? I just can’t get over everything that happened, but I’m scared of looking weak and I wouldn’t know what to say. What do you think?
Stuck on FIRST Love
Dear Stuck on FIRST Love,
NEVER make excuses for a guy. If he cares like he claims to, he would hit you up. Remember, true love should be much stronger than pride, and pride should never have place within a relationship. Please don’t read too deep into his subliminal cries for attention- doing that will only torture you. Don’t try to figure this guy out at all. Hr might be your first love but he’s obviously not worth the effort. In all reality, he is NOT scared like you think he is- he clearly has his mind on other things because he knows that you will always allow him to come back to you. You don’t deserve that unhealthy inconsistency, you deserve stability. With that being said, I don’t think you shouldn’t tolerate him disappearing on you- I’ve had that happen to me before, so I totally understand how frustrating and confusing that can be. The lesson I learned was if a guy disappears once and is allowed to come back, he will surely disappear again. It’s ultimately up to you to decide whether or not you want to subject yourself to his games. I hope you don’t put any effort into contacting this doucher. Just leave him alone because all he’s doing is playing with your emotions. An ex is an ex for a reason!!!!!!!! I can’t stress that enough.
February 19th, 2012
What are some fun and unique date ideas?
Needs Some Creative Inspiration
Dear Needs Some Creative Inspiration,
Thinking of the perfect date to go on can be hard at times because everyone has different interests, so I understand your need for inspiration. Hopefully the list I came up with helps:
1. Go parasailing! It’s tons of fun and it’s very relaxing!
2. A classic picnic at a scenic park or beach is always romantic. Get creative with the food that you bring, and prepare it together. My boyfriend and I did this and we had lots of fun.
3. Visit a chocolate factory!
4. Go paint-balling. Invite friends- the more, the merrier.
5. Find a drive in movie theater! Those are always awesome!
6. Go stargazing. You should definitely find out when meteor showers are going to take place so you and your date don’t miss out on nature’s beauty.
7. Get competitive- go to a batting cage with your date and show ‘em what you’re made of.
8. Warm up those vocal cords and serenade your date with some hot karaoke tracks. There is nothing cuter than being sung to by your lover.
9. Go ice/roller skating. It would be quite entertaining to watch your date fall on his or her butt.
10. Go to a paint-your-own-pottery place and paint coffee mugs or tea cups.
11. Go horseback-riding!
12. Hit a few street fairs! There’s always so much to see and eat!
13. Visit a local theater and watch a play.
14. Rent a boat and go fishing!
15. Play chubby bunny and have a themed movie night. If you don’t know what chubby bunny is, you need to find out ASAP!
February 19th, 2012
Realizing everyone you love isn’t the last you’ll love is essential. So, I’m currently dating a man I absolutely love, but I’m young. Things change. Life takes It’s own courses and turns sometimes and I’m aware of that, completely. In short, he loves me like I’m the last woman on earth and I show him the same. Yet, inside I feel it just isn’t permanent. There are others in the world, but I love him for now. If I break up with him, I may not find another. But if I stay with him, I may not find another. Hmm…
Afraid of Everything
Dear Afraid of Everything,
I personally think that loving someone “for now” is an utter waste of time. If you know that someone isn’t permanent or doesn’t have the potential to be a permanent asset in your life, then why bother pretending like they might be? If you continue to have these types of temporary relationships, you will always feel unsatisfied knowing that there is a possibility that “the one” is out there for you. If you feel that you’re too young and things might change between you and your current boyfriend, you should should definitely stop pretending like the relationship is going to last forever. Decide what kind of relationship you want and make it happen when you are sure you’ve found a guy who you absolutely know will be permanent- you will know when you meet him.
February 18th, 2012
I am in love with a guy who treats me wonderful beyond measure. However, everyone seems to disagree saying that he’s cheating on me and I’m too blind to realize it. I have never caught him doing anything wrong. What do I do without any proof of infidelity? Who’s right ? Do I risk being betrayed or risk losing happiness based upon others claims?
A Blind Girl Wearing Chanel Sunglasses
Dear Blind Girl Wearing Chanel Sunglasses,
WARNING: THIS RESPONSE IS BIASED BECAUSE I’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE!!!!!! Don’t be so blind. There is always some truth to the talk around town- rumors don’t get started for no reason. Usually, the slickest guys are impossible to catch cheating- so don’t spend your time trying to catch him in the act. He should care enough about his relationship with you to the point that he does not give anyone a reason to gossip about him possibly cheating on you. Every time I’ve heard that a guy was cheating on me, it was true. I once wore a pair of Chanel sunglasses myself, so don’t feel like you’re alone in this situation. Your internal conflict is completely reasonable, just remember not to ignore the red flags. Address him with your issues. If he’s not willing to make some major changes in order to keep you happy, then it’s time for you to move on. In the end, you want a guy who you absolutely know isn’t going to give you a reason to second guess his loyalty and faithfulness. There are plenty of good guys who will never give anyone a reason to start a rumor about him cheating on you- find one and leave this dude in the dust!
February 17th, 2012
I’m extremely confused at this point. I feel like the amount of guys that I’m interested in is an overwhelming number. I get attracted easily, but luckily I don’t get attached as easy. I’m not sure if I should try and work things out with one of them & let the others go, or just stay to myself. I know I should stick to my studies…but it’s always nice to have someone there. There is one that I’m interested in the most…and he says he’s interested as well and wants to give it a shot. I just don’t see it though, every time he offers to hang out, it just never seems to happen. I blame that on our conflicting schedules. I’m not one to make the first move in anything, and he’s not either, but I see that he puts in a little more effort than I do. I just don’t know what to do! Have fun, let it be me myself and I, or give someone a shot?
Dear Ms. Indecisive,
I think you should focus on yourself for a while until everything starts to settle! Start doing things that you want to do. Stick to your studies and know that guys will always be around. Also, save a set of high standards that you expect your guy to meet- if one in particular doesn’t meet them, then don’t even think twice. Don’t ever settle for less than what you want! Scratch him off the list and keep minding your own business until the next comes along. Until you meet a guy who you are absolutely sure about, please don’t waste your time. Patience is key in your situation. As for the guy who doesn’t make the first move… kick him to the curb.
February 16th, 2012
I have been with the same guy for over two years now and I absolutely love him to death. We are really great for each, but now I am at Cal and he at community college somewhere else. We have made it long distance now for over a semester, but he is always worrying that I am having too much fun without him or that I will leave him for another
guy (a claim that has absolutely no grounds). I have talked with him a lot about it, but he still seems to worry. What can I do to get him to not over think things?
Too Far Apart
Dear Too Far Apart,
Congrats on keeping your relationship going strong for so long! That’s a great sign! For the most part, him over-thinking things is a personal issue that he will eventually have to overcome on his own… but remember that he cannot do it without your help. He will have to make the decision to fully trust you , but there are still plenty of things that you can do to be of assistance to him. I, myself, am personally in a long distance relationship, and I can honestly say that my boyfriend was once bothered by some of the same things that your boyfriend is concerned with. Talking with him about his insecurities is a good thing. Keep having those discussions and let him vent to you. Do not attack him, and always remain patient and sweet. Make sure you always give him feedback and try your very hardest to see through his eyes so he will know that you’re listening. Keep giving him reassurance; remind him that nothing has changed with you guys except your geographical locations (which isn’t permanent). Perfecting your communication skills is essential so that both of you guys are always on the same page. Without strong communication your relationship will not work. My boyfriend and I argue and bicker on occasion, but we promised each other a long time ago that we would never go to sleep at night without solving our problems and brainstorming resolutions. Even if that means we have to stay up until 4 a.m., we make sure that we completely understand each other by the time the conversation is over. Also, take a step back and evaluate yourself as a girlfriend. Yes, the idea he has about you leaving him for another guy might be quite absurd, BUT you should ask him if there are any changes that you can make in order to keep him from feeling that way, and understand why he feels that way. If you’re a party-girl, consider toning your party-going down a bit- it’ll make him feel much better once he sees you making changes that cater to him. Remember that he isn’t perfect, so you can’t always expect him to be. Work with him, let him know that he is not alone. I’ve learned to do all of these things, and although my boyfriend and I are 1,662 miles apart, our hearts grow closer and we fall more in love with each other every single day. Best of luck! <3
February 16th, 2012
How do I get guys to stop looking at me as just a friend?
Tired of Being Friendzoned
Dear Tired of Being Friendzoned,
All you can really do is continue to be yourself when you’re around him and avoid making desperate moves. If it’s worth it to you, then a little boldness might help. For example, you might get to the point where you feel like you absolutely must ask him how he feels about you- just be sure that you don’t get too crazy. I think it would be a bad idea to try to force a guy to view you as something more than a friend because you might make things extremely uncomfortable for the both of you, which will end up ruining your entire friendship with him. It may not be what you want to be told right now, but I’ve been there before and I wish someone would’ve told me. Just be content with the friendship you have with him. Don’t focus all of your attention on him and PLEASE don’t wait on him for too long because you might miss out on something even better with another guy who’s got his eyes on you. Concentrate more on yourself! Do things that make you feel good- the right guy will notice you.
February 15th, 2012
What’s the best way to get over someone?
Needs to Move On
Dear Needs To Move On,
I can truly say that working out and destroying reminders has been the best way for me and a few people I’m friends with (and yes, I mean DESTROYING). Start with deleting his or her number. Even if you’ve memorized it, you will eventually forget it… trust me. When you’re tempted to contact that person whom we no longer speak of, direct your attention elsewhere. Do not give in unless you like making yourself miserable. This might seem hard at first, but after a few days it becomes very easy. If you aren’t the type of person who enjoys working out, find another hobby that is fun and distracting. I chose to work out because it helped me feel a lot better about myself. Also, if I were you, I’d get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of that person- from stuffed animals to pictures. It must ALL go!
February 13th, 2012
Is it okay to ask a guy out and then go on a few dates with him, even if you’re not sure if you like him or not? Or is this just playing with his heart. We’ve hooked up before but I’ve rejected his offers to hang out multiple times after that…I don’t know what’s gotten into me recently. Sane advice please!
Dear Potential Playya,
Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate in terms of figuring out what you want! Quite frankly, if you’re not 100% sure that you’re into him, don’t waste his OR your time. He’s clearly interested in you if he’s suggested to hang out, but since you’ve rejected him I think you should just leave him alone. Think about it: would you want a guy doing this to you if he wasn’t really that into you? Definitely not.
February 13th, 2012
My ex boyfriend and I have managed to stay close friends even after one of the harder break ups, but suddenly we have stopped talking all together. I truly miss my friend but our history makes this hard. Should I reach out to him like I always do or let him have his space?
Dear Hopeless Romantic,
This situation sounds all too familiar. I personally think you should leave him alone. I’m sure it’s emotionally tiring for you because you’re always the one initiating contact and making continual efforts to have a friendship. Truth is, Hopeless Romantic, it’s pretty much impossible to be friends with an ex, because of that very history you referred to. Considering that you have broken up several times, it’s quite obvious that you both are on different levels in terms of what you want from each other. I say you leave him alone and move on. If he reaches out to you, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with being cordial especially if the relationship didn’t end on bad terms. If he does reach out to you, my advice is that you be very careful when it comes to protecting your emotions. Some guys are really good at leading us on and then totally disappearing on us, so don’t make yourself too available to him. Don’t put as much effort into him as you used to, especially if you know that he’s inconsistent. If one day he decides that he’s ready for a real relationship or friendship with you, he will tell you. That’s when you’ll be able to decide whether or not you even want to be involved with him or not.
February 13th, 2012
I met up with this guy twice. He approached me when we first met, and started talking to me, and asked me for my contact info. When we went on our first date a month ago, we both had a great time, and there was genuine chemistry between the two of us, and he said he wanted to see me again–twice. So, I’ve tried to arrange a date with him, but he said another time, and offers no alternative dates. And he has not spoken to me for a week. I’m convinced he lost interest in me. I’d like to know why he hasn’t asked me out on a second date–could he have a change of heart?
Confused in Love
Dear Confused in Love,
Please, please, PLEASE be UNCONFUSED! I’ve been through this exact situation before so I feel your pain… but I have some great ideas for you to consider. I think you should watch the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” and take some notes, girlfriend. If he was truly interested in you, he would definitely pursue you. Erase his contact info from your phone and move on, because he’s definitely not worth your time! Keep being your beautiful self- don’t let this douche-bag play with your emotions!