My Weird-A** Phone Call
Mar 04, 2010
1 Comment
by Nick Anastasiades
I was innocently studying in the Main Stacks. It was around 6 PM. I had dinner plans with my roommate at 7 and I was trying to finish my Russian literature before sushi. Regular shit.
And then a phone call happened.
The rest of this blog post is an exact recount of the weirdest and most awkward conversation I have had in a long time. The following is a true story.
“Hello”
“Hello is this Mick?” [Very heavy Indian/Pakistani accent; middle-aged man]
“Yes, I am Nick. How’s it going?”
“Fine. And you. How are you?”
“I’m great. How can I help you?”
“Your studies, good?”
“Yeah they’re good.”
“Your family?”
“Uh-huh…”
“Your friends?”
“Your friends?”
“Uh-huh. Everything is fine.”
“Good man. Good, yeah good.”
[3-seccond silence]
“So are you the photographer for Excalibur Magazine?”
“Actually, it’s Caliber Magazine. And yes, I occasionally hold photo-shoots.”
“Oh that’s great man. That’s great. I heard you are looking for models…”
“Yeah that’s right. Do you have anyone in mind?”
“Not just anyone, man, no no no. She’s great, man.”
“Is it a friend of yours?” [I realized I was speaking too loudly and lowered my voice.]
“She is beautiful, man. I met her at a club. Best girl I have ever seen in my life.”
“And how do you know her?”
“She’s my wife…”
“?”
“I met her in a club and we got married the next day. That’s how great she is, man.”
[Eyes wide open] “Err, congra-tu-lations?”
“We’ve been married for 10 years now. And it is a dream! How can I tell you, man? She is amazing in bed. I am sure you will love her. You seem like a very successful photographer. I can see you going to great places in life, taking great photos…”
“Thanks sir. What is your name?”
“***ndi”
“Candi?”
“No no, Ghandi. GHANDI.”
“Oh I see. Well, I’m afraid we only accept Berkeley students to pose for Caliber.”
“… She’s very interested about Berkeley. She took a course there once. And she loves shopping in Telegraph, you know, the street?”
“Yes I do, but…”
“Of course, I have to be with you during the shoot, since this is a nude photo-shoot…”
[Gulped] “Uhh….”
“Man, I have to tell you: she has the most gorgeous breasts ever. Two handfuls…”
“Uh-huh” [Squirmed]
“They are huge and so smooth. So supple. I never get tired of’em…”
“Yeah that’s nice, but we never…”
“I can see great ‘tings happening, man. You and my wife will do great ‘tings. I have a vision! [giggles] I want a cat…”
“A what?”
“Yes, I get a cat. You put it between her breasts. They are so huge!”
“I’ll tell you what Mr. Ghandi. Send me an email…”
“An email? Electronic mail?”
“Yeah, an email to E, EYE, SEE…”
“EIP?”
“No no, E, I SEE.”
“Ahh, like ‘I see you!’”
[Facepalm] “Yes, eic at calibermag dot org.”
“Ok, ok. I will send you nude pictures of her I took myself.”
“Uhh…”
“She is gorgeous, man, I tell you… You will be great.”
“Ok Ghandi, fine. Have a great day now.”
“Ok y….”
[Hung up]
I got an email the day after.
What was attached in that email, only my roommate and I will ever know.
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