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Caliber Magazine | April 23, 2014

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Berkeley Horoscope!

by on Oct, 09 2012

Berkeley Horoscope!

As kitschy as it is, I have always been a fan of horoscopes and fortune telling- a la Tarot, Astrology (of the Celtic Tree, Chinese, and Western types), and Numerology. Just for kicks and giggles, I thought I would make a Berkeley horoscope based on months and Berkeley icons. See which one you are and what this month has in store for you!


This is when the fall semester starts, so obvi that is when the Berkeley Horoscope begins.
The Sign of the Sather Gate
Ever the one to love the smell of freshly shaved pencils and a good BBQ, you personify the beauty of a transition from summer to school. Filled with energy and a can- do attitude, you are the one to watch for in class. You will dominate any discussion section with your fast intellect and your insightful points. Being the social creature that you are, you love hanging around people and getting involved.
Key words- Spotlight, Extravert, Energy
Lucky Number- 10
Bitchin’ Hangout- Triple Rock- laid back in vibe, but high energy with tons of people!
Tip for the month- Watch out! You will burn out quickly if you push yourself too hard. Take it easy, hang out with some friends and do a group study sess- will you keep you focused, but not hyperventilating!


The Sign of Stanley Hall

Practical and grounded, you enjoy the beauty of precision, whether it be in your homework or in your apparel. You enjoy setting a good study routine for yourself to ensure that you get what you need to get done, done (or extreme panic time will ensue!). Health conscious, you tend to provide yourself ample time to go to the RSF or Berkeley Bowl because you know that when your body is doing well, so can your mind.
Key words- Sensible, Decisive, Detail- Oriented
Lucky Number- 4
Bitchin’ Hangout- Cafe Milano- close to campus, wifi enabled… good place to hang or study!
Tip for the month- Being the perfectionist that you are, you may think that good isn’t good enough. Instead of antagonizing over your issue, go out on a walk. Get that blood flowing and that brain juice bubbling!


The Sign of the Boalt Hall
You prefer to remain balanced and settled, so when things start to get bumpy… the heart starts a’ racing. You like things objective, fair, and diplomatic, aka hate conflict. Persuasive and charming, you can finesse them grades if need be! You love reading classical literature, going to museums, and listening to underground bands. Coffee is also definitely a must! Your perfect night is a quiet one with close friends, just talking and sharing a wine or a microbrew.
Key words-
Tasteful, Diplomatic, Artsy
Lucky Number-
Bitchin’ Hangout-
PIQ- with its high quality food and coffee, its clean and super airy atmosphere, it is a good place to study, relax, and people watch.
Tip for the month-
You have a tendency to get stuck in your head and build mountains out of molehills. Relax, panicking will get you nowhere! Make yourself a happy place by listening to some of your favorite music while studying.


The Sign of the Heyns Reading Room
Powerful and ambitious, you always have your eye on the prize and you won’t take no for an answer. You go back and forth, from extroverted to introverted — depending on which side of the bed you woke up this morning. Since you are extremely intense and passionate, you are an exciting (if not enticing) date. However, you can also get a little dark and secretive, retreating into Main Stacks once you have had your fill of the outside world.
Key words-
Intense, Determined, Complex
Lucky Number-
Bitchin’ Hangout-
Thalassa- A dark and spacious bar where you can either drink with your friends or play a game of pool.
Tip for the month-
Your intensity will start to boil this month, especially if things don’t go your way. Instead of adamantly attacking the same problem over and over again, take a breather and collect yourself. You will do a lot better once you have cleared your head.


The Sign of the Main Stacks
Wanderer and truth seeker, you are a bit of a dark horse. You want to know, in every sense of the word! You find yourself trying to understand your life, especially in the grand scheme of things. This usually means that you are one to keep quiet in most classes, keenly interested in the dialectic of your peers, but then you surprise others once you open your mouth and voice the conclusions you’ve arrived at.
Key words- Thoughtful, Blunt, Challenging
Lucky Number- 7
Bitchin’ Hangout- Moe’s- You love smelling the used books and browsing the shelves for something to peak your interests. Quiet, yet familiar, you like that you can get on a first name basis with the workers.
Tip for the month- Not everything is life or death! You have a great way of keeping things in perspective… be sure to utilize this talent if things become too overwhelming.


The Sign of the Doe Library
You realize that anything worth having is worth working for — and you do! You have it in your mind that you will be at the top of the top and you know what it will take to get there. Patience is your virtue, as well as consistency, practicality, and dedication. You are able to prioritize your obligations and yet, still indulge in some leisurely laziness every now and then, choosing a night at the Bear’s Lair over one hunched over your books.
Keywords- Pragmatic, Hard-working, Success-Driven
Lucky Number- 4
Bitchin’ Hangout- Cafe Strada- You like how close this cafe is to campus, yet it allows you to grab a breather as you sit outside, enjoying the fresh air and quiet conversation.
Tip for the month- Just because you can still see(ish) your goal doesn’t mean that you should keep at it! You have a tendency to overwork yourself, be sure to allow yourself some well deserved rest when things get too hectic.


The Sign of the Sproul Plaza
You are out to save the world, one flyer at a time! You are very passionate about your ideals and your friendliness allows you the ability to talk to whomever about them. This, of course, can come at the expense of seeming overly opinionated or stubborn, but these are small considerations, especially since you can see the big picture. Though you can come off a little quirky, you like to think of yourself as the Zooey Deschannel kind.
Key words- Visionary, Progressive, Original
Lucky Number- 9
Bitchin’ Hangout- FSM Cafe- Bustling and packed, the decor inspires you and the constant turn-over lets you socialize and branch out when you’re taking a break from your school work.
Tip for the month- There seems to be so much going on with world and with school, it is easy to get fried. Lay back and have a salted caramel mocha while watching an interesting documentary to recharge your batteries.


The Sign of the Moffit Library
Like the Moffit library itself, you have a yin and a yang (library and FSM), as you are capable of both making waves as well as going with the flow. You have extraordinary depth of emotion and you are highly intuitive, which often gives you keen insight in both school work as well as social interaction. Ever a chameleon, you are able to interact in any social setting.
Key words- Intuitive, Compassionate, Introspective
Lucky Number- 11
Bitchin’ Hangout- Starry Plough- With its Irish Dancing and Slam Poetry events, you are able feed both the social as well as the thoughtful part of you.
Tip for the month- Don’t take things too personally if they go south. Keep positive by escaping into a good book.


The Sign of the Campanile
A natural born leader, you can be found front-lining any cause on Sproul or constantly participating in section. You are a pioneer, fully willing to brave any new terrain or blaze your own trail. Though some may claim that you are a little hard-headed, you compensate by being extremely charming and magnetic. You thrive on possibility – if you can think it, you can do it!
Key words- Leader, Independent, Novel
Lucky Number- 1
Bitchin’ Hangout- Jupiter- With its energetic atmosphere, it is good place to hang out with a big group of friends to share a za or a microbrew. Can’t go wrong with that!
Tip for the month- There seems to be so much to do! While you are ready to attack everything head on, give yourself a moment to devise a plan. As the great Napoleon said, divide and conquer!


The Sign of the Memorial Glade
You love hanging out in the sun and having a good time, but that is not to say that you don’t have a competitive edge. When you make your mind up to do something, you do it! Then after that long day of studying, you treat yourself to some yumyums and wonderful company. Living the dream, that’s your motto!
Key words- Persistent, Harmonious, Sentimental
Lucky Number- 2
Bitchin’ Hangout- CREAM- Nostalgic yet novel, you can hit that sweet tooth after a long day of studying with some friends.
Tip for the month- It is easy to distracted, but just remember to keep the end in mind. Just think how great you’ll feel once you are done with what you have to do!


The Sign of the Dwinelle Hall
Ever the charmer, you go back and forth from being the class clown to the class whiz. You love getting to know new people and having conversations with almost anybody! While you can be a little restless at times, you are usually pretty flexible and easy going. You can be found in the center of social circle or at home watching Comedy Central.
Key words- Funny, Conversational, Intellectual
Lucky Number- 5
Bitchin’ Hangout- Cheeseboard- Bustling and exciting, there are always people around to talk to and good music to listen to. Plus, the food is amazing!
Tip for the month- It is a bit easy to fall into a slump, especially as the days grow shorter. Don’t despair! Go to some stand- up with friends and put a smile back on your face and some (happy) tears into your eyes. Plus side: ab work out!


The Sign of Morrison Room
Devoted to the people you care about, you are as loyal as they come. Since you are extremely empathetic and sensitive, sometimes you hide away from things in the comfort of your dorm room or Half- Price Books. You like the little things like boba and comfort food. And just because you aren’t a show- off, doesn’t mean you don’t shine.
Key words- Expressive, Empathetic, Devoted
Lucky Number- 6
Bitchin’ Hangout- Nefeli Cafe- Small and comfy, there is a wonderful low- key vibe to this cafe. Great place to get together with a friend over a great cup of coffee or study.
Tip for the month- When you start to feel a funk coming along, round up some friends and hit the Shattuck Cinemas for Flashback Thursday. Easy on the wallet and nothing beats seeing your favorites on the big screen!

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Arielle Schussler
  • On 09, Oct 2012
  • The name is "Arielle," like "R-E-L." If this was the Harry Potter universe, I would be an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries. However, since I am stuck on this plane of existence, I settle for being a Philosophy major, eating tons of Thai food and macarons, watching Golden Girls and Twilight Zone (a la Rod Serling only) reruns, listening to 80's British pop, taking overly indulgent baths, and of course, running around in tutus whenever life permits (and mostly when it doesn't).

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